


This Side of Paradise (is Lonely)

by false_heteros



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Depressed Ron Weasley, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, Hermione Granger is a Good Friend, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Past Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Post-War, Ron Weasley is a Good Friend, Ron Weasley-centric, Ron is a little shit, Sad Ron Weasley, Self-Harm, Strangers to Lovers, blaise has baggage, brief sucidal thoughts, but its not too bad???, nope im joking fuckers, not too sad they are all very small mentions, ron thinks hes "straight", so does Ron, therapy maybe?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:07:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26686378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/false_heteros/pseuds/false_heteros
Summary: Ron Weasley feels alone, he feels he can never match up to his family and friends, until one night when Zabini finds him on the astronomy tower.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy & Ron Weasley, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Harry Potter & Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Ron Weasley & Blaise Zabini, Ron Weasley/Blaise Zabini
Comments: 4
Kudos: 118





	1. This Is Home

**Author's Note:**

> hi! welcome to my Fanfiction. still an amature writer. don't expect much. Ron was always a character i could relate to the most. he was ordinary. he had problems but they weren't big in the grand scheme of things. I thought i should project my problems on him. now i have 4 fics just pure Ron angst. there all WIPs. this is the first i thought of posting. its the least saddest out of them all i suppose. All my titles are connected to songs i like. i know its generic and i like it that way.

**Chapter 1**

Sitting in the astronomy tower wasn’t as bad as it looked, yes the tower was high and yes, one wrong move and he would slip. But the view was always worth it. Shimmering trees, beautiful stars, and if you looked close enough you could see the lake’s blues and purples reflected from the sky. Harry avoided this place because of Dumbledore's death, but Dumbledore was never as close to Ron as he was to Harry. He wasn’t a pawn to use. More like a piece that had been taken by the opposing side. Another reason to stay at the tower was to hide from his friends. There was a strain in their relationship. Him and Harry always got into fights. Sometimes they would make up, but most of the time they always ended up trying to ignore each other’s presence. Sometimes Ron wondered how it would feel to fall from the tower. Would it feel warm? Or would it feel like a chill in his bones? Was there a place after this world or was it all pitch balck. He wondered how many people would have cared if he jumped. But there was no point and thinking like that. They just won a war after all. There was no need to waste his life after he almost lost it so many times.

***

The start of eighth year was okay. Nothing bad happened Ron didn’t know if you wanted to be relieved or scared. Hogwarts still mostly felt like home but there were times when Ron walked down the hall and remembered all the blood, and screams, and cries for help. Sometimes he felt so utterly useless, because he couldn’t do anything to help those Who were suffering, he couldn’t even help his own brother for crying out loud. some days it was too overwhelming to even leave his bed, feeling like he let so many of his classmates down, he let his  _ ex-girlfriend  _ die. Sometimes he wondered if Ron had focused in class and spells, he could have saved these people. 

Hermione had decided to leave for Australia almost as soon as the war ended. Both him and Harry insisted that they come with her but she said she wanted to do this alone. Maybe Ron was selfish for wanting to go, but he just couldn’t handle staying at the burrow. It wasn’t the same anymore.

_ “I have to do this myself guys!, you’ve been by my side a lot and I need something to do alone. So I can sort out my feelings” _

Both of them had understood that. Reluctantly they agreed, (after trying to convince her for a week) Maybe a little time off would help. Maybe doing this would make them closer, even better friends. 

A few weeks before Hermione was going to leave,Ron took her aside. They both haven’t had time to talk together with everything that was going on. Ron was usually trying to stay with his mom, helping her stay focused and deal with grief. While struggling to deal with his own. Fred's death had made Ron a bit closed off from others, 

Hermione on the other hand had been trying to find out where her parents were in Austria, calling her muggle friends, seeing with their parents, wondering how she was going to get to Australia and search a whole continent for two people. She always seemed stressed and distanced. No one could blame her, Ginny would spend the most time with Hermione, Ron would often see them with cuppa in their hand chatting away in hushed tones. 

Ron knew Both of them really didn’t want a relationship anyway. They only wanted to fit in with the hetro norm of the society. Their first kiss was only because of the life and death situation that was occurring. But once he told his family about the kiss they were all over him.  _ Fall in love with your best friend, have 3 kids, a middle class job, and go on vacation every 4 years.  _ While they talked Ron was the one who brought up breaking up, Hermione was confused. She had a deep frown on her face and her Eve eyes were filled with the same disappointment that they had anytime she messed up on a test. Before She left the room Hermione asked her to give her some space to think. It didn’t help make Ron feel any less like shit. Great. he didn’t just ruin a good relationship but also a good friendship. ‘ _ Just like the fuck up he was _ ’ something in the back of his brain whispered. 

Surprisingly the next day hermione came up to him and agreed. She had already packed her bags to leave for Australia, but decided to leave sooner, there was no point in staying and causing more tension. Ron could see that she had bit her nails short in nervousness about everything, a habit she picked up in 3rd year. 

_ “Your right Ronald. We are good friends. Yes. But a relationship was just too big and it felt wrong. If you hadn’t said anything I wouldn’t have had the courage to do this. So thanks.”  _

_ “Thanks for understanding ‘mione.” He pecked her on the check as a goodbye and wished her luck.  _

Things seemed to be going in the right direction, until they all went back to school

Harry and him were somewhat back to normal. Sometimes they needed space, Something Harry would say reminded Ron about how he had left behind his two best friends when they needed him most. On those days he would distance himself from Harry, choosing to stay in the new dorms that were built for the eighth years, or just avoiding to sit with him. There were times when Harry would have nightmares. Where Ron would try and distract Harry from all his overbearing thoughts, those nights made him feel like things were going to be okay. The second day into classes, Harry was back to obsessing over Malfoy, always staring at his now shoulder length hair. It wasn’t a surprise that they started dating a few weeks after Halloween.

_ “Wait, What you're telling me is that you're not surprised that I started dating our worst enemy?!” _

_ “Harry, for the fifth time today, no. I’ve seen the way you’ve looked at him. I’ve seen the way he looks at you for god sakes!  _

_ “I sjf- I don’t look at malfoy?! Harry spluttered  _

_ “ Harry I may be an idiot but I’m not that idiotic. Half the school sees the way you look at malfoy. They just can’t divide sexual tension with brooding hate.”  _

_ “I just thought you would have been more angry?” Harry had a confused look on his face. _

_ “I was for a while. It's hard y'know, but our friendship is worth more than you dating someone we had shitty childhood rivalry with” Ron gave one of his shit eating grins. Maybe what hermione said about telling people how you actually felt wasn't too bad.  _

_ “Wow mate, that was not expected from you” Harry smirked, telling him he was joking.  _

_ “Oi! What’s that supposed to mean” Ron had said flailing his arms.  _

_ “Seriously, thanks mate. It means alot” _

Everything was going great until he noticed that Harry had started spending less and less time with him. He had started to spend time with Draco's slytherin friends. They seemed to click with him, unlike how Ron did now. Harry tried to invite him but He knew that he would just make things awkward so Ron politely declined. He knew it would happen some day. Someday Harry would realise that they're better people out there. Better friends. He should be happy Harry even hung out with him for this long. 

“Wow weasley, ever thought i would see the day where you were actually quite”

Ron quickly turned around to see Blaise Zabini leaning against the old astronomy door. His face looking expressionless enough to make people question his insanity. Blaise had always had this Veela like charm to him, the way his skin was so smooth and shiny, to how his eyes were a nice deep brown. Like colour changing trees in autumn 

“How long have you been there?!”

“Long enough to know your sulking like a 4th year girl” The boy gave him a mischievous smirk.

“I'm not sulking! Can a man have some time alone!?” Ron tried to make an excuse frantically

“Weasley. The only time “a man” needs some time to be alone is when they need to wank.” Zabini looked him up and down until finally meeting his eyes. “Which you clearly aren’t doing right now.” 

“Don't you have something better to do than to pester me” Ron snarled, his cheeks still red from what the curly haired boy had just said.

“Pestering straight boys is the light of my day, why would I have anything better to do?” He mocked being confused.

“What do you have a crush on them or something? ” Ron asked, a little amused 

“ So hetrosexual of you too asume that,” Zabini said with a disappointed gaze. His nose twitched up. “You know that's a very rude assumption to make. I find it offensive.”

“Look, it’s not like i dislike gay people, my best friend is gay. It was just a joke.” Ron nervously replied. 

You act like you do, I see the way you stare, there’s envy in your eyes, I wonder why.” Zabini started to walk up to him.

“Well i'm not uncomfortable around gay people, and I’m not envious either, there’s nothing to be envious about.” Ron retaliated. He Looked back at the lake, afraid it was going to disappear if he didn’t stare enough. “What are you doing here anyway. It's almost 2 in the morning.” 

Ron heard shuffles of footsteps coming closer and closer, he shut his eyes hoping Zabini would leave, like a boy wishing on a star. His night was already shit, he didn’t need some stupid boy with his stupid pretty face in the way to make things worse. The footsteps finally stopped and Ron realized that Zabini was now standing next to him.

“Couldn't sleep, what's your excuse”  _ that was unexpected.  _ He looked at Zabini from the corner of his eyes with a curious glance. God he would kill to be even half as pretty as the boy next to him. His tight curls looked so elegant in the night. 

“Needed to clear my head” 

“I always thought your head was empty. my whole childhood is a lie” Blaise pretended to be horrified, Ron would have been offended if that was said years ago, but apparently trauma also means he now has a sense of humor. 

Ron grinned and let out a bark like laugh, “well i always thought you would kill me if we were alone, guess we both were wrong”

Blaise snorted. 

“You're actually not as bad as I thought you would be Weasley, I thought you would go batshit if I made that joke” Zabini gave him a weird look. 

“Well I guess camping with little food and hunting for parts of a serial killer made me give less shits” after a few minutes of eerie silence Zabini said his goodbye and silently walked off, leaving Ron to his thoughts again. They didn’t show this time, instead.

He felt a little less alone that night.


	2. Chapter 2

Ron was sitting in the great hall. It was currently breakfast. He hadn't gotten much sleep last night. He really wished that the gryffindor table had coffee. Falling asleep almost every minute was not ideal for the classes they would have soon. Snape would probably poison his potion if he fell asleep in class. Getting poisoned in sixth year was bad enough, reliving it was not something that was on Ron’s checklist. Ron would never admit it but another reason he didn't get sleep was because he was busy thinking about Zabini, his soft eyes and elegant face kept disturbing his mind every time Ron closed his eyes. Quickly trying to distract himself from blaise, Ron looked up at the windows in the great hall, the weather outside was a bit chilly, there weren't many sunny days in Hogwarts, which was always a big difference from the almost always sunny burrow At least it wasn't raining.

He looked around to see if Blaise was in the hall. So much for distracting himself Would he even want to talk to Ron? Maybe he doesn't want anyone to know he talked to an idiot like Ron. Merilin, why did he always have to make friends with people out of his league. First Harry, then Hermione and now Blaise. 

“-on Ron RON” shit, who was calling him? Ron looked beside him to see Harry was yelling his name. His hair was more unruly than normal, and he had a shiny kind of shin to him. Weird

“Huh?” Ron finally answered, trying to play dumb. Pretending that Harry hadn’t been yelling his name a dozen times. 

“ Are you okay mate?” 

“Yeah, ‘course I am. The question is are you okay? What in the world possessed you to wear a Sltherin- OH FUCK” Realisation hit Ron like a brick, he saw that harry was turining red, his eyes widened in fear of attracting attention. 

“Ron be quiet! Do you have another gryffindor tie? Shit shit shit! Does this mean Draco’s wearing my tie?! Oh man he's going to kill me!” 

Ron let out a snort. Leave it to Harry to forget what tie was his. He saved all of Wizard Britain but still can't remember the colour of his house. 

“What is potter so worried about?” Someone from behind him spoke. They had a familiar voice? Ron turned around and saw a tall figure curlily staring at Harry, he looked at the person's face, realizing it was Zabini. 

“Uhhhh, harry took draco's tie this morning instead of his.” He was pretty sure that most of slytherin knew about Harry and Draco, they weren’t as dumb as griffindoor after all.

“No i didnt! I- i just fancy the colour green today?, yeah, yeah. Someone said it brings out my eyes.” Harry was the worst liar to exist. Only a few people knew about Harry’s relationship, it was a miracle they didn’t find out, with The so called boy who lived unable to lie to even a house plant. 

“Your lucky draco changed his tie after you rushed off. Thank god I don't room with the two of you. I would be traumatized.” Blaise smirked. Ron thought that smirk looked nice on him. His ears reddened. 

“Oh fuck off Zabini!” with that Harry walked out of the great hall muttering about ‘bloody slytherins’ “ As soon as he was out the door Blaise sat next to him, Ron's eyes widened in surprise. Why is he sitting next to me?! Fuck fuck fuck. 

“So are you going to keep staring at me?or…” well you're really pretty. Maybe in 5 minutes 

“Are you there weasley?”

“Bloody hell! sorry zabini. Didn't mean to do that! I was just thinking about.. Er,” rn stumbled with his worlds, trying to find a good excuse.   
“How snape would look with a mustache!”

“You're really weird,” Blaise said with a confused look on his face. Somehow still looking as elegant as ever. 

“Were all weird. You probably do ballet in secret,or know french or something. Don't patronize me because you think ‘normal’” Ron tried to reason. 

“Don’t scandalize me Weasley. Draco does ballet, I on the other hand am more of a crotchet man.” Blaise sarcastically shot back. Before he knew it, both him and zabini was laughing with him, his eyes crinkled in a soft way, 

“What are you-“ before Ron could finish, headmistress McGonagall announced that breakfast was over, Blaise stood up and wished him a goodbye. 

“See you, weasley” before Ron could reply Blaise left the hall.

Alright ron, lets go to the worst class of the day, hurrah!

He started walking out of the hall. Blending in with the crowd was quite easy for ron. Harry was usually What attracted attention to them, people calling him just another Weasley Like the five who were before him. The five much better versions of him. Bill was popular, Charlie was sporty, Percy was smart, and the twins were funny. Compared to them, he was just a piece of coal. The Rock you throw away after you find the diamond. Ron was ordinary, he was average. Nothing about him was special. Nothing would ever be, after all Ron was just a boy with some friends who were better than him in every way. Smarter, Cooler, Nicer, Funnier. Molly had once told him that he was the one who kept everyone happy, but that was a lie, he and hermione got into many fights as they were growing up, and he was jealous of harry for almost all of his time being friends with him. That's not what good friends do, that's not how you keep people happy.

There were times when everything got too overwhelming for Ron and he needed a way to release it, Ron lifted his sleeve to see the criss cross lines on his wrist. They could easily be mistaken as being a part of the brain scars he had all over his arms. Scars were the reason Ron tried to stop in the first place, they attracted attention and pitying faces, disappointed frowns. The key word was tried, there were still times when ron felt so useless and alone. He felt stupid and annoying and needed to clear his head, from all the voices birrating him and screaming in his mind. It had been 2 months since his last relapse and sometimes he wondered if Ron did want someone to know, just to make him feel less alone. No one did. 

Before he could continue with his thoughts Ron felt himself bump into someone.

“Late again weasley? Maybe if you dilly dallied less and walked where you were going, then you wouldn't be a complete failure” and that's why this was the worst class. Ron didn't even have to look up to remember who was talking to him. Even after almost dying it seems that Snape still hates him. You'd think being bit by a human eating snake would mellow him out, but no. Still a dick like always. 

“Sorry professor i was distracted by your big nose” Wow, that wasn't half bad. Ron looked up to see Snape holding his big ugly nose in the air. He spoke in a monotone voice, Ron knew he shouldn't have opened his big mouth. Fuck, he was supposed to try and pass this class. Without it he wouldn't even get into the aurors.

“Detention… for the rest of the week weasley. Hopefully you learn to bite that tongue of yours, before I cut it off. You see , it would be terrible if you ended up hurting yourself” Snape was smirking, he looked horrible, like a dead cat with the face of a racoon, his eye bags really centered around the ‘I got ran over by a hippogriff’ look. 

fuck snape, bloddy asshole. Ron stomped to his seat in the new potions classroom. As the old one collapsed this new one was on the higher end of the tower with more windows. It had a beautiful view of the greenhouse, sometimes it felt so weird to be able to make potions without the dark view of the dungeons. Well that would be if he even made potions. 

Ron’s potions partner Draco Malfoy. Who being the perfect little prat he was wouldn't even let Ron touch potion let alone bring the ingredients without freaking out. At Least that meant he didn't have to do something embarrassing. Ron sat in the stool for most of class, waiting for Malfoy to finish the potion. Ever since he and Harry had gotten together Mafoy always looked nervous around him. Sometimes it feels like Ron was the one who poisoned him not the other way around. Once class was over, Ron walked to transfiguration trying not to be late. 

He floated through class the rest of the evening, thinking about a multitude of things. It felt like Ron was floating, just far enough that he could see himself through a mirror. He was fine. Everything was fine, he would do what he always does, bury himself in the deepest part of his mind so that nothing would get out. That deep part of his mind carried many secrets he would take to the grave, all of them wrapped neatly in reasued wrapping paper and old cardboard.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM so sorry for nont updating school caught me in its trap and so much has been going on. I know this chapter is short and rough bit i'm trying my best.

Ron stood at the potions room once again, trying to remember that snape wasn't going to do anything to harm him. He still felt like a little boy whenever he was in detention. The disappointed glares, the uptight staring, the shame when he realised that what he did was childish and not worth the effort. When Ron was a little kid his mother would always tell him to listen to the grownups, they were always right. They knew what was best for you. The older Ron grew the more he realised how utter bulshit that was, Adults are selfish pricks who only do things for their own gain. His parents would do anything for him but they tend to ignore people from slytherin house. Ron remembers how his parents had told him that they would be proud of him if he went to any house, deep down he knew that was a lie. Fear got him into gryffindor not bravery. After all, 11 year old Ron would do anything to get into Gryffindor after all, he thought that all slytherins were evil. Something that was ingrained in his mind till these last few years, when he finally realised they were just children, fighting for their lives over a war they did not start or want. 

“Are you...going to enter by chance. Weasley.” Snape opened the door to his new classroom and forcefully shoved Ron in. 

“Today Mr Weasley.. you will be cleaning the first year cauldrons.” Snape snarled. He pointed his bony finger at the dirty cauldrons stacked in the corner. The once’s shiny black colour was dull and there were spurts of colour on random places of the cauldrons. 

Ron dragged his feet to the cauldrons dreading his stupid comment already. He took out the muggle cleaning supplies for the cupboard and picked up one of the dirty cauldrons and started cleaning. Trying to ignore snapes glar sent his way. Ron didn’t understand why snape could spout bullshit about any student he wanted but when Ron stood up to the git. He was the one getting in trouble. 

“Quickly Weasley, we don’t have all day” oh fuck you, 

“Yes sir” Ron said with mock seriousness as he cleaned his culdruns even slower than usual. Fuck that git

The detention went similarly the rest of the time, with snape and Ron bickering like children. When Ron got back he realized it was almost curfew. 

Damn he hadn’t got any time to do the homework!

_____  
Over the weeks Ron had slowly gotten closer and closer to the blaise. They met up on the astronomy tower after curfew. Talking about anything and nothing. Slowly and slowly Ron knew more about the not so mysterious boy. They shared thoughts and opinions. Soon blaise was all Ron could think about. His curly but oh so neat hair. His pretty smiles. And his lovely smirks. Everything he did left Ron in a blushing mess. 

Winter was just arriving in hogwarts and most students had left for christmas. Ron didn't want to go home this year, it was too much. He knew it was selfish of him to stay when his family needed him most but he couldn't take it. Everything in the burrow was too somber, to unfamiliar. He'd rather stay in a place which he could still remember than one where everything was miserable.

“Weasley, i thought you were going home this year” Someone behind him curiously. Ron could recognize that snide voice anywhere. It was malfoy?. 

“I could say the same for you Malfoy, i thought you would spend your christmas with your mother, but i guess we're both wrong.” Ron watched Malfoy take the seat beside him. 

“Things at home are too somber. The manor has too many bad memories” Malfoy said with pursed lips. Here Ron was upset about not being able to go home because it was “too dull” when Malfoy probably has so many bad memories surrounding the house he grew up in 

“I'm sorry about that malfoy, must be hard” Ron said with no particular pity in his voice, more of an understanding than anything. 

“Well you're here for a reason. After all, Harry went back to the burrow. Why didn't you?”

“Don’t feel like going this year, everything’s fucked” Ron tried to place his words carefully.

Malfoy sighed “you seem to be distancing yourself from everyone, Harry misses you alot Ron.”

“ I just need space to think. Don't worry about me, tell Harry to worry about himself after all he's been through.” Ron let out a little laugh. 

“Hey, want to have a Quidditch match?” Malfoy said with a sly smirk 

Fuck his life. His best friends are now a ex deatheater and the son of a widow.


End file.
